Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Let's Hear It For The Boy(s)!

Anyone that really knows me, knows that this is an emotional week for me. It leads up to a day I will never ever forget, and although it definitely gets easier, the pain can still cut so deep sometimes. It's crazy how a certain temperature, or seeing Easter decorations, a pregnant woman or a newborn baby can bring back such a strong feeling..And those are all things I LOVE...that's irony for ya! When my emotions get stirred up, I think..A LOT! Greg laughs when I get that way...he can just look at me and know..oh goodness..the wheels are spinning. Well, yesterday morning I was drying my hair, and while all my thoughts initially start with my angel Hagen, the wheels started spinning..about how many Men(and boys) in my life have really made me into who I am. I love my girlfriends, I have great ladies that counsel to me, and my mom is my best girlfriend, but the Men in my life have played a HUGE part in shaping me.  It hit me like a ton of bricks..my daughter HAS to have healthy male relationships in her life! It seems every single one was given a different role, and has taught me something important..whether good, bad, or both..they all played a significant part in shaping me:

My Maternal Grandfather..Jack..There aren't enough kind words to describe this man. He was the first true father figure in my life. Yes, I had a dad, but my granddaddy was my knight in shining armor. There was no place I wanted to be more than at his house, next to him on the couch, curled up in the crook of his arm, watching the evening news or Heehaw...he loved that..and he loved me..unconditionally.  Even through the torture of colon cancer..he showed up to my softball games..donut seat and all..rooting me on...you only do that when you love someone and you truly want to be there!  What an awesome example of love and dedication.

Teachers/Coaches..Mr Price(8th grade math), Mr Braun, Mr Stewart(high school) and Coach Bradley(Varsity Softball)..These men helped me see how special I was and everything I had to offer the world. Two were math teachers, and don't ya know that is my favorite subject. Mr Braun loved to call me a go-getter...telling the entire class how I had a double header last night and went 4 for 6 with 2 doubles and still aced the Algebra II exam..boy was he good for the ego!  Mr Stewart never had children..his wife suffered miscarriage after miscarriage and he told me several times..if they could have been blessed with a daughter, he would want her to be just like me. Is it any wonder I loved high school..all these compliments?? haha Don't worry..there were teachers that knocked me down a few notches..making me feel unworthy for honors classes, etc..and wouldn't you know they were women! HA! And Coach Bradley..one of the BIGGEST influences in high school..he gave me an attitude adjustment right when I needed it the most, and I sometimes wonder just how different I would have been if he had not sat me out those 3 games!  He was proof that tough love is hard and it can work! He didn't want one of his best hitters sitting the bench..but those 3 little games my freshman year..changed the kind of athlete and person I was!

Ex Boyfriends..yes..Jason, Mason, and Scott..who can forget you!  Three completely different guys..that had my heart completely. You all taught me how good it feels to be in love, how a guy can come in a girls life and turn it upside down, and make you believe nothing in the world matters but being in love. Although it usually ends in heartache..each relationship ends up teaching you what is important to you and what is not. Jason was like a brother..a best friend..Mason was a joy to be around..I smiled so much..and Scott was a heartthrob that kept me wondering why me..when he could have had better. I know now that I was better.

My Step-Dad Dad..Ronnie..Here is a man that had been divorced, with a son of his own, and was willing to commit, emotionally and financially to this woman and her two children..10 and 6 years-old. Anyone that has been in a broken home, or had step-families, knows its a different love..but it's a love and respect that can grow to be big. I don't think I knew the extent of his dedication until I was grown and had step-sons of my own. It is a huge responsibility that you take on..to love children that are not yours..that already have parents they love..and you question where you fit in..and get your feelings hurt a lot. Being a step-parent is a job that requires a lot of sacrifice and you are usually the last one to be thanked or praised for all that you do..but you do it because you want to. I love Ronnie for everything he did for Jay and I..and for adoring my mom. I feel like I am a better step-parent because of his role in my life...and on that note..

My Step-Sons..Britton and Kellon..wow..where do I start..these guys were 9 and 6 years-old when I came into their lives. Going through a divorce is hard enough and then I show up. I wouldn't have blamed them for hating me, despising my existence in their lives..but they were precious. They never disrespected me(minus the time Kellon threw his shoes across the room), and they actually looked at me like they loved me! They still have that look and I hope I am not imagining that. Again..I was shown so much about love. They didn't have to love me..they just had to tolerate me to avoid punishment from their dad..but they did way better than that. They cuddled with me, they grinned ear to ear at me, they laughed with me, and they seemed truly thrilled the day I married their dad. That day, Greg said to his Lil Best Man, "Britt, are you ready to do this?" Britt said.."Oh yea!!" I love those boys so much. They taught me what a joy it can be to be a parent, and how heartbreaking it can be also..that prepared me for what was to come with Hagen, Jack and Ali.

My Brother..Jay..why do I look up to someone SO much that farted on my head and picked on me incessantly?? I guess I saw in him every good quality that a human can have..even when he had stinky breath. And he lived up to that..he is one of the HARDEST workers I know. He doesn't let anything get in his way when he decides he is going to do something. His dedication to fitness, his job, his wife, and now baby Brody are an example to me more than he even knows. He can come across quiet and withdrawn on occasion, but I know he would drop everything and be there for me when I need him. He showed me, without knowing it, the dedication I needed in a boyfriend/husband..and that I deserve that. I miss him so much now that we are grown and have our own families, but I am blessed to have him right around the corner! 

The Love of my life..Greg..Naturally I will learn a lot from him..he's ten years older..and I like to remind him of that..heehee. Seriously..he is the smartest man I know..and I am not fluffing that up at all. I don't care if we are talking about Baseball, Golf, parenting, relationships or the weather..it doesn't matter..he teaches me something! He has more common sense than is fair..and he can come up with an analogy to make anything seem crystal clear. He could write a book on parenting techniques with Jack and Ali..he is SO good with them. I fall in love with him just watching him play ball with Jack, have a conversation with Ali about her marrying him and no one else, or see him teach them something new. :)  I never saw him pitch, but from what I understand, he had to work even harder than the next guy, and he did! I only hope that Jack and Ali have half the heart and passion that their daddy has! He is the best communicator I know..no matter what the issue, I can come to him and we will work through it. That gives me confidence that no matter what comes our way, we can handle it..together. Losing a baby can rip a marriage apart...it made us stronger than ever. We had to lean on each other, we had to pick the other up when they were having a weak moment. He continues to show me how faithful and dedicated a man can be, even in difficult times, when it would be easier to throw his hands in the air. It honestly makes me sad that his boys do not have their father all the time, and I know there were hard times for everyone in his divorce, but I thank God that Greg was led to me, and that we hung in there when times were crazy. He has taught me to never settle with being so-so, don't make excuses..always want to do better..have a better marriage, be a better parent..and be a better friend.

My Angel in Heaven..Hagen James Hibbard..what a blessing he is to me. How can this tiny human, that never took a breath of our air, affect me SO much and cause me to hurt SO bad? A parent's love is indescribable..yet so many of us do not make the connection that this is what God did for all of us..gave up his Son. I am so guilty of not honoring that gift enough. That gift means that although I only held Hagen briefly, and never got to take him home, and watch him grow, I will wrap my arms around this sweet boy again one day and watch him run and play! I would never take back any of it, I mean that. I believe Hagen was used in a big way in my life, and my family and friends' lives. I could either bury my head in the sand, or ask God to lead me through this heartache and come out stronger on the other side. Now dont get me wrong..in the midst of the tragedy, all I wanted was to hear Hagen's little cry, I didn't want to hear how God has a plan and yada yada yada..but eventually, after you've cried a river..you search for comfort and peace. Family and friends provide some of that, but God gives rest to the weary and broken-hearted. So yes, Hagen taught me how to love something so much it hurts, and his conception and death made me want to be a mommy even more, but he led me to God for understanding and for that I am thankful.

My little man..Jack..an answer to many many MANY prayers. Seconds after I want to jerk a knot in him, I could eat him up because he fills me with so much joy. He reminds me in the most simple moments what matters most in life. His innocent child-like ways show what true unconditional love looks like. I can spank his bottom, send him to his room, and he will cry for "mommy". He is mad at me, loves me and needs me all at the same time. I am the one he wants when he is happy, sad, mad and hurt. Just typing this makes me so aware of how much he relies on me, and its so easy to slip up and let him down... I will never be perfect but he makes me want to be. No one will ever take Hagen's place, but I am SO SO thankful that I got to experience Jacks sweet love on this earth. Every time he hugs me and says I love you mommy...my heart gets a little fuller.

And Last but not least..God..who paid the ultimate price for me..his Son. I am not sure how you ever thank someone for that..but I try to remember why I am here and that God has placed me in different circumstances, with different people(like all of these men/boys) to teach me something, to make me stronger and to prepare me for the gift of heaven. HE is ultimately responsible for everything I have and it is my job to make the proper choices that glorify Him.

Live to glorify God, and TELL the people in the your lives(men and women) how important they are to you. If they have made a difference, they need to know, so that they will continue to live a life that impacts others. I can't imagine where I would be today without all of these people and these experiences. And I am not done yet..I have SO much growing to do..and so much impacting to do in this short time on earth...and...to steal my mom's favorite quote.."there are no do-overs".

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

One of my Dreams is coming true!!

Yes! We are getting a Chipotle!! I first ate at one in 1999 when Greg coached in Schaumburg(suburb of Chicago). I bet we went 3 times a week. We had never been anywhere like it. We now have Moes, and Swanky's, and others..but nothing beats good ole Chipotle!! Its just good, clean Mexican! If you have never tried oneof their burritos..you owe it to yourself.  Every new city we go to we search for one..so you can imagine how I flipped out last Saturday when I pulled into Sports Authority(Target) on Poplar and THERE IT WAS! I am thru giving them free advertising now..JUST TRY IT! Should open this spring sometime!!